Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
