"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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