No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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