new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
