I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
