he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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