By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
