girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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