did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
nutella sex= disaster
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
