no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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