His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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