yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
