what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
