there was a trapeze. enough said
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
