Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
