Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
