who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
