Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
