i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
