there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
