i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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