Me. At least after what I've been through.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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