I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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