i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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