just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
