I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
