you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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