did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
