Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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