it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
