when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
