so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
