But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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