She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
