Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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