btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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