I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
