I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
