so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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