Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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