This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
