Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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