I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
