I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
COCAINE IS GR8
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
