what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
