oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
