she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
