she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
