i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
