I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
