i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I could make wine with my vomit
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
