i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
