So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
